I Am Finally Old

What should I say? I never considered myself as "old", never really saw myself as others probably saw me. Isn't that the way the ancient saying goes? Everyday, appearing in front of the mirror, carefully examining the same "all-too-familiar" face for bumps and stubble, I didn't see it happening - growing old that is. But, it happened!

Now, don't get me wrong on this, I really don't have a problem with the aging process - really I don't. It's just that I never really thought that it would effect how others treated me. Now I know and I must say, it is eye opening. It happened last night.

My wonderful wife and I went to a St. Valentine's Day Dinner at the church we are attending. We have been making the Sunday morning visit a pretty regular thing so we have come to know a number of people there and with some we have grown quite friendly. What happened there that night is quite telling, but you really have to know me to appreciate it.

Let me start by saying that I guess some would lable me as an overly enthusiastic person - especially when the issue or subject at hand is important to me and I think it should be for others as well. Let's start with that. There were small groups of people huddled together talking and laughing, getting ready to putting their outer clothing on to go out into the cold night air. Being the forever friendly chap that I am, I reached out touching each group with a warm greeting and a friendly smile. To one small group in particular I made a comment regarding a book that I was reading and how much what the author said intrigued me.

The response was, on first consideration, rather unenthusiastic and nonresponsive - at least on the level that I had expected. But then again, I probably think that others will see in a book what I see and react the same way I do. Not so! But, give me that because that is the way I am with things that I find exciting and important in this life. In any case, that's the way I approached this group. I just didn't receive the response that I expected and I never connected the dots so to speak - until later.

As I was holding the car door open for my wife it suddenly hit me. The individuals in that small group weren't unenthusiastic and nonresponsive to my comments because they found them uninteresting and unimportant, they were simply being "tolerant" of someone older! Oh yes, perhaps the issue I thought pertinent was something nonessential to their way of thinking, but I really don't think it was that. It was important in relationship to the experience we all had just shared during the dining event since marriage and the husband/wife relationship was something we all shared - even if the duration of that relationship for each couple varied.

No, I rather think that what happened there that night between us was something I will call, for the lack of a better way of putting it, age referencing. What I shared wasn't considered on it own merit as much as it was referenced to the fact that I was older then they were - at least by a generation. Now, up to that moment, it never occurred to me as a possible reality in the conversations that I have attempted to strike up, but it had happened before. I had always chalked it up to people being unfriendly or disagreeing with what I was saying.

It really is peculiar and an odd feeling at that. You know, to be separated out and treated as different because of your age - like what you have to say is really not all that relevant to those younger who are listening to you. Age referencing! I really never thought that it would happen to me. And, I don't know if the fact that I have come to an awareness of this in my own personal experience with others that are younger than I am is actually the "real" sign that I have indeed, caught up to myself in the aging thing.

Oh well, its OK. Really, I'm OK with it. At least people will not expect so much from me anymore because, well, let's fact it - I'm old! lol, lol, lol, lol.